So there was this boy right?
And ooh I was in love
I fell deeper and deeper
And mmm it was fun.
But then
I messed up
Drinking in the bathroom on the last day of school
Talking to too many boys I thought were cool
He was mad
Crazy, psycho, how could you hurt me mad
So I apologized-
And apologized-
And apologized-
Because I was in love
I can hurt and hurt and never leave
It’s a drug-
And I’m addicted
To The crying and the tears
To The hurt and the pain
For those few moments-
They never said it was easy
The touches, the kiss, the warm breath on my neck
pulling me, begging me-
come closer.
I was in love
My reply?
“I don’t know”
I don’t care who I hurt or what I say.
Right?
I love I cry with the best of them
I love I cry with you
I saved your life from yourself
Took the knives out of your room
Because I was in love.
I am an individual.
And I am still in love
With my friends, my family, my life, my art
Yes-
I got a new plan in mind
Because of you.
I am solid
And I am still in love
Poem #2: Class
So I was sitting in class
Waiting.
Just waiting
My work is done
So I sit
And wait
And I wonder
Wonder, “Why the fuck am I still here?”
My car is outside
Ready for a getaway
Why don’t I just leave?
Have I been trained so thoroughly to stay put
That I am content?
Content to waste my time
Let life pass by
Let opportunities fly
While I……….
Just wait?
NO, I want to stand up and walk out
Roam this earth and learn by experience
I don’t want to read about adventures.
Its time I had my own
Looking around as people take their tests
Evaluations of what I know?
No, these are examinations on what I’m going to forget
As soon as I walk out that door.
So what am I waiting for?
I’m gonna go
Grab my bag and leave
Who cares if I get in trouble?
Lose a few meaningless points for misbehavior
I’d be free
But with a lower grade
My A might drop to an A-
No that can’t happen
My world would end
The sky would fall
In a cacophony of rage
And the earth would crack open to the deepest circle of Hades
Rising from the deep would come the Kraken
Laughing hysterically at my report card
Emblazoned with a gigantic A-
Oh the shame as my family looks upon me with scorn
As the cold claws of the kraken drag me
Down
Down
Down
Deeper into hell
Where I scream
Day upon day
The A- burned into my eyelids
As I try to sleep in my fiery cell
That I share with some dude named
“Vladamir”
And just when I am almost done painting the scarlet A-‘s over the wall.
They disappear
And I must start again
Oh the agony!!!!
And wait
And wonder
Because I have been trained to stay put
Poem #3: God?
i want to be holy-
i miss feeling that something loves me-
no matter what i do-
or say-
or hide-
someone forgives me-
i miss the acceptance from others-
knowing i belong even though i dont-
like this one time at church camp-
i met my best friends-
realized people care-
realized i could be who i am and do what i do-
church camp set me free-
there god is a family-
so of course i ran away-
i got scared so i ditched-
"god! i dont want your religion! Leave me alone!"-
"i'm sick of people telling me what to believe"
“what happens at church camp stays at church camp"
i destroyed it-
turned it into dirt-
when in fact, church is my home-
a hot room with 30 kids who dont know
what to do-
or what they should believe
or who they are
i found god in a prayer for a little girl who lost her family and had been beaten down by those she trusted
i found god in soulmates meeting by chance-
I found god in volunteer cooks who make the best pancakes in the world-
i found god and i ran away
now i see my family in their home-
with my god-
inside jokes i will never understand-
bonds that can’t be broken-
im looking in and its so cold outside-
im seeing the forgiveness-
and the love-
and the acceptance
for now i am wandering
left in the world
searching
forever searching
for a sign or symbol of who i was
when there was god
then i see a young man helping grandma across the street
a boy carrying a girl’s books and keeping his hands to himself
friends laughing as they walk down the street
and i know that god is still here,
with me
watching me
keeping me safe
its everywhere
in the comfort of a mother and her baby
in the steady ocean currents
in the lost girl, wandering alone
god is here
waiting
but i am too far gone-
I’m still running away-
hoping-
that home will open its doors again
welcoming me
home-
home with my family-
in the arms of my god-
holy once more-