The Senior Project Poems

Hey all, I haven't posted in so long so here we go :) These are the poems that Kyle Deeley, Kelsey Carbonell, and Rachel Bega will be performing on Friday, May 7, 2010 at the Gallerie Hä in Wailuku. It's my senior project so yay :) The first poem will be performed by Kelsey and Rachel, the second one is by Kyle, and the third one will be performed by all three. Come out and enjoy if you want!

Poem #1: Our Love

So there was this boy right?

And ooh I was in love

I fell deeper and deeper

And mmm it was fun.

But then

I messed up

Drinking in the bathroom on the last day of school

Talking to too many boys I thought were cool

He was mad

Crazy, psycho, how could you hurt me mad

So I apologized-

And apologized-

And apologized-

Because I was in love

There’s a funny thing about love

I can hurt and hurt and never leave

It’s a drug-

And I’m addicted

To the screaming and the rage

To The crying and the tears

To The hurt and the pain

For those few moments-

Of bliss.

They never said it was easy

It wasn’t all wrong

The touches, the kiss, the warm breath on my neck

pulling me, begging me-

come closer.

I was in love

His favorite thing to say was

“What is wrong with you?”

My reply?

“I don’t know”

Truth is I’m an alcoholic, cutting, fat, bitch

I don’t care who I hurt or what I say.

Right?

Wrong

I love I cry with the best of them

I love I cry with you

I saved your life from yourself

Took the knives out of your room

Because I was in love.

Truth is I’m a friend, a sister, a daughter, a person.

I am an individual.

And I am still in love

With my friends, my family, my life, my art

Yes-

You were the first

Yes-

You had everything

But I’m brand new

I got a new plan in mind

I’m stronger than ever before-

Because of you.

You pushed me to be better

Broke me to be yours

I am solid

And I am still in love

Poem #2: Class

So I was sitting in class

Waiting.

Just waiting

My work is done

So I sit

And wait

And I wonder

Wonder, “Why the fuck am I still here?”

My car is outside

Ready for a getaway

Why don’t I just leave?

Have I been trained so thoroughly to stay put

That I am content?

Content to waste my time

Let life pass by

Let opportunities fly

While I……….

Just wait?

NO, I want to stand up and walk out

Roam this earth and learn by experience

I don’t want to read about adventures.

Its time I had my own

Looking around as people take their tests

Evaluations of what I know?

No, these are examinations on what I’m going to forget

As soon as I walk out that door.

So what am I waiting for?

I’m gonna go

Grab my bag and leave

Who cares if I get in trouble?

Lose a few meaningless points for misbehavior

I’d be free

But with a lower grade

My A might drop to an A-

No that can’t happen

My world would end

The sky would fall

In a cacophony of rage

And the earth would crack open to the deepest circle of Hades

Rising from the deep would come the Kraken

Laughing hysterically at my report card

Emblazoned with a gigantic A-

Oh the shame as my family looks upon me with scorn

As the cold claws of the kraken drag me

Down

Down

Down

Deeper into hell

Where I scream

Day upon day

The A- burned into my eyelids

As I try to sleep in my fiery cell

That I share with some dude named

“Vladamir”

And just when I am almost done painting the scarlet A-‘s over the wall.

They disappear

And I must start again

Oh the agony!!!!

No I’ll sit

And wait

And wonder

Because I have been trained to stay put

Poem #3: God?

i want to be holy-

i miss feeling that something loves me-

no matter what i do-

or say-

or hide-

someone forgives me-

i miss the acceptance from others-

knowing i belong even though i dont-

like this one time at church camp-

i met my best friends-

realized people care-

realized i could be who i am and do what i do-

church camp set me free-

there god is a family-

so of course i ran away-

i got scared so i ditched-

"god! i dont want your religion! Leave me alone!"-

"i'm sick of people telling me what to believe"

“what happens at church camp stays at church camp"

i destroyed it-

turned it into dirt-

when in fact, church is my home-

a hot room with 30 kids who dont know

what to do-

or what they should believe

or who they are

i found god in a prayer for a little girl who lost her family and had been beaten down by those she trusted

i found god in soulmates meeting by chance-

I found god in volunteer cooks who make the best pancakes in the world-

i found god and i ran away

now i see my family in their home-

with my god-

inside jokes i will never understand-

bonds that can’t be broken-

im looking in and its so cold outside-

im seeing the forgiveness-

and the love-

and the acceptance

for now i am wandering

left in the world

searching

forever searching

for a sign or symbol of who i was

when there was god

then i see a young man helping grandma across the street

a boy carrying a girl’s books and keeping his hands to himself

friends laughing as they walk down the street

and i know that god is still here,

with me

watching me

keeping me safe

its everywhere

in the comfort of a mother and her baby

in the steady ocean currents

in the lost girl, wandering alone

god is here

waiting

but i am too far gone-

I’m still running away-

hoping-

that home will open its doors again

welcoming me

home-

home with my family-

in the arms of my god-

holy once more-

Spring Break

Spring Break is over in three days. What have I done? I always talk about how we need to make a difference, if you're bored, do something about it but whatever you do make your life count. Have I done that? It seems like every night I've been bored or sleeping. During the day, its chores, hang out with friends, water polo, eat.

Day 1: Go to the Beach with Makana

This was a fun day. My niece is the shit so she's more of like a best friend. She slept over like the first day of Spring break so we watched movies, talked crap about people and crashed earlier than expected. We went to the beach when we finally woke up. It was like we expected it to be epic, we made lunch, packed it, grabbed our suits and ditched. Kam III was our destination. It's amazing how I don't have to fill silence when I'm with her. I guess that comes from just years of knowing everything about each other. In the end it just doesn't matter if we don't have anything to say "companionable silence" its called. I like it. I like the silence.

Day 2: SAT's

What can I say about the SAT's or as the perfect score puts it, "suck ass test" I'm pretty sure I failed but I'm okay with that, if I fail the SAT's I can't get into Brown and maybe we can all just give up on this ridiculous illusion that I'm going to do with something with my life and I can just go to art school. How amazing are those homework assignments where you are allowed to create something to describe what you're thinking. Amazing. One thing crossed off my bucket list, quote Dumbledore in an important essay. Check :)

Day 3: Saying Goodbye

May cause bouts of depression, boredom, and unnatural need to shock people. Overall, sucks ass.

Day 4: Shopping with mom

I complain about my mom all the time but there are times when I just need her to like restore me to my former self. One cure: Savers shopping spree. I love Savers. That place is like a treasure trove of wonder. Loot? 2 pairs of boots, dress, amazing jacket, 2 sweaters and something else, I just can't remember. I hate changing clothes but I didn't really mind that day. I needed it. I was bored as hell.

Day 5: St. Patrick's Day, Movies and Serpico's?

Yeah I was supposed to go to the movies, shutter island to be exact but I was broke so no. Ninja Assassin at a friend's house is much better. (I won) <-- Inside thing. I think I was like one of the only 10 people on the island wearing green on St. Patrick's Day. I love my water polo girls, even when we're all being obnoxious about a boy in a restaurant. This day was pretty much just filled with inside jokes and good memories :)

Day 6 : The New Hampshire Girls

Dartmouth was an amazing team. The girls are all so nice and I think they helped the team a lot in how aggressive we are in the water. They taught us more defensive tactics and pretty much just got us working. It was a nice change, kind of like having Coach Ailani back.

Day 7: Cupcakes and Tutti Frutti

Now matter when I go to Tanya's house, I always end up cooking something. At least this time I was scheduled to be working in the kitchen :) Tanya's mom needed cupcakes for the rodeo on Sunday so I volunteered to make them for her as long as she supplied the food and oven. It was fun. I love hanging out with Tanya, its cruise and meaningless conversation about boys and how we look. Quality girl time. Not to mention Ryan brought us Tutti Frutti. He's a keeper :)

Day 8: Family Time

The Freitas family is like my blood family. I've grown up in that house and after all the times I have moved, its nice to have like a base that I can always go back to. I love my family.

Day 9: Rodeo & Another Movie?

There's not much to say about this day. The rodeo was fun and so was the movie at my friend's house. Both made me incredibly confused but that's okay right? Confusion makes life interesting....I hope.

Day 10: Reina's Birthday

The Volleyball game was fun. It was just another family day, always helpful when feeling confused and all around like crap. It's like I have 10 little superheroes on hand whenever I need them. Happy 17th Reina :)

Day 11: Detours

Kolu and I were supposed to go the Lavender Farm before practice to like reconnect or just hang out since we actually haven't really spent any time together since the play. We decided that we wouldn't be able to fit a long trip back into Kula before practice so we went to Cameron's house (mansion) instead. Those guys are so funny. Swim team + Drama club jokers together = really funny.

Day 12: Photo shoot

I love Rachel. Its weird not hanging out with the people you eat lunch with everyday for like two weeks. Luckily we got to hang out and do a photo shoot. I needed a chance to really use my camera and she loves fashion so it worked out well. The theme was colors so we threw on colorful clothes and hiked into her gulch in the back :) (Me off course with the new boots) It was fun. I definitely prefer to be behind the camera. My subjects just look so much better than me anyway.

Looking back, I guess my spring break wasn't a total bust. I re-connected with people who I just needed one on one time with. I did make it count, I let my mind rest, I had fun. And I think that's what spring break is meant for. I'm ready to go back to school, just not ready for those early mornings. :P

Love & Dreamland,

Kaio

Winter Break Update

Well then, its the end of winter break in about 3 hours so I figure, why not an update?

My winter break has gone from stressful, to incredibly boring, to sad, to exciting, and unexpected, and any other emotion that can possibly happen. Starting from the top, lets see what happened.

1. Moving.
Okay, one thing you have to understand is that my mom and I move a lot....like....A LOT. In my lifetime, I have lived on two different islands, 21 different houses, spent summers in two different states, and six different countries. What can I say? We like to travel. I usually like whereever I am but this last house was just getting to be too much. This house was so small it took me all of 13 steps to go from one side of the house to the other. The place was small. Fortunately, I'm in a new house, and its not much bigger but it feels like a mansion :) [Thank you to family that helped move all our crap thats sitting outside.]



2. Unpacking/Christmas Shopping
This is worse than the actual moving, because you have to clean everything, and find a place for it...god its like cleaning a house, then rearranging the furniture. It sucks, but necessary. Christmas shopping...all I have to say is Kleptomaniac :)


3. Christmas Day
This is the first Christmas in Hawaii for me in about 5 years. It was amazing since I got a new camera (thank you mother and kyle). I cooked dinner and family came over and it was a good time.

4. Sherlock Holmes
Potentially the funniest movie ever :) maybe its just me, but I do love Robert Downing Jr. Quite a funny man.



5. New Year's Eve
Every year I spend New Year's Eve with my family on the Big Island since they are were all the pyrotechnics happen. I helped set up some sick chinese fireworks that lasted for a good half hour, had a fireworks fight, and generally made things explode. :) I dont have any resolutions for this year because honestly, I'm just going to forget them, however, I do want to be incredibly organized. Like, OCD organized. Big Island also brought its' fair share of surprises. I don't regret anything, but it definitely brought a lot of growth, nothing that is acceptable online however so don't ask.

Throughout the winter break I realized my priorities and everything that I have to lose. I royally messed up 2009 and I hope that I can keep myself in check long enough to make it to the end of 2010. Almost a senior now, I can get out of this place :)

"we're all mad here" -chersire cat

-kaio

Don't Get Scared...

This is about...................(twilight)...........

or actually the entire series. i honestly can say that I'm not a follower in this particular trend. Just like with Harry Potter. I read the books before the movies were even thought of. My friend Claire was actually the person to first introduce me to Twilight, in 6th grade. I fell in love with Edward (of course) while the rest of the world went Jacob. THEN ALL OF A SUDDEN

BAM!!!

summit entertainment comes out with twilight; the romance movie of the year

gag me with a spoon (side note: anyone heard that term in awhile? i enjoy its absurdity) So now, I can't read the book without picturing Robert Pattinson, Taylor Lautner, and Kristin Stewart (i can care less if i spelled her name wrong, she doesn't deserve that part.)

Now. I realize that making this my second blog post is committing revolutionary suicide, but oh well, it's on my mind.

1. New Moon.......see it? don't see it? I have a feeling I can relate to (my) Bella too much at this point in time, so probably not. Tell me what you think (If anyone reads this)

2. I'm reading Eclipse right now, this one and New Moon are my favorites, full of angst, perfect for my twisted mind. hehehehehe (^,.,^) <---- [chubby vampire]

3. When I grow up, I honestly want to be a vampire. How f***ing sick would that be?

Otherwise I'm completely normal. :)

escape the fate <3

-kaio

P.S. I apologize for my excessive use of parentheses and the horrible image of our beloved Edward.

P.P.S. My Edward is 10 times better than that freak above

Welcome To The Black Parade

Clever title no? (sarcasm level: 10)

Well anyway, I figured I'd start a blog since 1. it's my goal for senior project and 2. everyone else is doing it :) I guess I should talk about who I am? But really, why should I, I'm thinking that the whole point of this will just be what I'm thinking about at the time. I don't really expect anyone to read this but I don't mind. We'll see how this goes, or if it survives.

save the world :)
-kaio